i HATE you, but i LOVE you... &♥;i HATE you, but i LOVE you... &♥;

One Week

Here In Your Arms

I like where we are,
When we drive, in your car
I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I like where you sleep,
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Our lips, can touch
Our lips, can touch...here

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your

You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you miss you
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Here in your arms.
Here in your arms.

The Late Night Crew~!

Heyyy everybody!! My Weekend was fucking crazy.  To start off I got to see my baby on Friday!! We all went up to Midnight Bowling at Kenmore Lanes, and he was staying over Angel's.  We got up to bowling and was there for like 20 min when I gotta phone call.  It was my friend Sammy calling me telling me my 13yr old sister Shannon, who was supposed to be staying with a friend, was on her porch balling her eyes out.  It seems that the little girl, Toni, that Shannon was staying with got in trouble, so the douschebag father, Mike, kicked her out...AT MIDNIGHT.  She had to walk all the way down the street alone in front of a huge ass party at midnight!!  I was pumped, so me & Tommy walked back.  I dropped her off at home, then we walked around together for awhile.  When we seperated ways,  me, Rian & Chrissy went to bed at my house at 4am.  The next day I woke up at 9am and couldn't fall back asleep!! Ugh!  So this is the beginning of Saturday...

Now me, Chrissy and Rian woke up early, ate breakfast, I showered, etc...the usual.  Then we went to Chrissy's, but while she was in the shower I was gonna meet Tommy and Angel at the High School.  They didn't show up right away, so I got Sammy from her house.  We finally met up with Tommy and were chillin', then the Squad started forming in the back of RHS like usual.  We planned out that we were going to do an all nighter, so we were pumped as fuck!  We got a place to chill for awhile, my friends got their pot and cigs and we chilled.  It was me, Tommy, Sammy, Angel, Cassie, Kayla & Michelle chillin' in the back of the School til like 12am, then Megan's house until 1:30am, then the School again until 3:30am.  Then Kayla and Michelle went back to Kayla's and Cassie tried going back to Megan's...she came back though, lol.  We were up ALL NIGHT, except Cassie and Angel kept passing out.  Angel was up for like 98% of everything, while Cassie was gone, and me, Sammy & Tommy were up 110% lol.  It was so fun, yet nervewracking because Sammy's dad seen us!! *Scary*  We went to McDonalds at 6:30am and stayed there until like 10 something and we were just trying to stay awake.  Me & Tommy were so overtired, we were acting stoned!!!  Then on top of us being super ditzy, Tommy did smoke!!! So, we get to my house, and it's Sammy, Angel and Chrissy on the bottom bunk, with me & Tommy on the top bunk, just chillin for crazy long...We go back to the school, chill and decide around 9 we're going over to John's to play Guitar Hero.  We get there, Angel brings us all Oreos, and then we realize we gotta get up and leave to take Tommy to the bus stop.  Tommy leaves, I realize I'm late for my 10 o'clock curfue and I gotta make up a lie about why I'm late. haha, so yeah I fell asleep at like 10:30pm and woke up today at 7am.  Now I'm in school tired as FUCK and just wanna get outta school and go home...or check my MySpace that I haven't done in 80bajillion yrs...<3

Funny Fact: 6 days of me & Tommy going out, all this alone time: Never Kissed Once...Ever. o_o

So Far...

So far everything's been better.  Friendships are doing better, drama's loosening up, i'm getting a job, so much is happening: i'm ECSTATIC! XD but there has been little things here and there getting to me. like the fact that i've been dating Tommy for 3 days and seen him for about 2 1/2 hrs out of it. Ugh! i miss him...i wish we could spend more time together...=( but then there's Angel's drama that Tommy contributed to, even though they're supposed to be best friends, so that's rough to deal with, but it'll be okies. Wednesday was a party almost all the Squad went to and drank so that made me uneasy, but oh well. That day i was with Angel, Sammy, Kayla and my Johnny and we named the movie we're making out of our lives. it's "Lollipops & Cigarettes." ^_^ I'm gonna go, but here are some funny quotes to leave you with:

Genny: "Oh yeah they're totally not going to notice 5 people running to the back of the High School with Lollipops & Cigarettes."

Angel: "John's as gay as rainbows...just check out his lollipop!"

Sammy: "Who gives a fuck who they are, I gotta lollipop."

Stressed, But Looking Up...

so last night completely changed everything...again!  for starters, me & David got to talk about how he's upset about mine and Tommy's flirting, yet he's been pretty much "pimping" Riverside.  So he felt really bad when i told him i don't trust him, can't talk to him and all together don't love him anymore.  He cried.  I felt bad, but i can't stop the fact that this all happened because of him.  Now he swore on his dead Grandpa that he quit weed and after tonight will be quitting drinking.  I believe it on his Grandpa, but still lack trust.  After me and David talked, me and Tommy talked and he asked me out. =) So now we're dating and there was this big argument and talk last night between him and David, but everything's all better, everyone's still friends. YAY!  So life's doing alright now, because i don't have to worry about pain for the time being.  Wish me luck!! ♥Gennerz♥

So...

So life is definately changing...to start it off, on the 14th, me & David broke up. There were just so many lies and hidden secrets, it was all too much. We weren't friends at first, but now we are, so yay! I'm calming down alot on dumb shit i've done, like smoking and cheating and whatever else i'm a retard about, so my life is looking up! I'm feeling alot better and happier and healthier and just everything. it's like *BAM*!!! i can't wait to see how life is going to go for me in the next week or so. there's only one thing i'm currently upset about though. that would be that my bff in the whole wide world, my Johnny, hasn't been coming to school because of David. i mean, they both need their classes, ALOT, if they wanna make it and neither of them seems to care!! that hurts to watch them go down like that, i wanna help, so i'm gonna try. =]] i'm feeling alot more confident in myself and what i'm doing and how i help people too. i've been helping my friend Angel through alot, and have been helping myself!! yay! and now i like my friend Tommy, like he's amazing and according to Angel [his bff], he's been saying things about me he's never said about anyone before. =]] who knows how this one could go!? we'll just have to wait and see, hope for the best for me!!! ttyl, much lovez ♥ *Gennerz*

idk what to do...

...or how to feel anymore. Everything's gone so bad for me lately i can't even fucking take it. Now everything was semi-okay, but yesterday set it off. My boyfriend went to Thursday In The Square and was talking to some girl and I guess she kissed him!!! Now, I heard he was pissed and walked off, but guess who still hasn't told me it happened!? Him! It's just kinda funny, he was so worried I'd do something with my ex yesterday, yet he's the one who winds up kissing someone else. =( I brought up the subject to see if he'd tell me what happened after I had heard, but of course all he said was "Yeah, it was fun." Why would he hide it if it's not his fault?! Oh well, because I'm going to keep trying to give him a chance to tell me, but if he doesn't...things might be over... ='( Any advice?!?!?

AHH!!

I was suicidal last night...

it's all Mark's fault...or at least that's how I feel. Even though I know it's because I take on the weight of the world all at once.

So i tried to skip school today, got caught and returned by the cops.  I got 1 detention, but it taken away so I could talk to the counsiler.  Yay me.

She told me I need to think more about myself and not try to fix others before myself.  Good advice.  I'll try it, wish me luck.

*Screaming Out For Something, Better Than This...* ='[[

What Life Is All About??

What is life all about??? I don't even have a clue. I'm a 16yr old girl from Buffalo, NY trying to figure out what the hell life is. My life hasn't exactly been smooth sailing. I've had to deal with a drunken & abusive father, relationship & friendship failure, not to mention self-battles. From suicidal tendencies of burning myself with matches to doing everything I can to tell the world my story. Nobody understands me though, everyone in the world is out to judge you. I'm a smoker at a young age, I smoke cigarettes and have done pot.  I can't say I regret these things, because they were my choices, why regret if you only live once?? But yeah, I'm known to speak my mind and do whatever it takes to figure shit out, yet life still is 100% impossible for me to understand...I am bi and have been judged numerous times day after day by peers and adults.  Nobody really understands...It's okies though, because while there are people who judge, there are also people who love me for me. Who seem to accept every bit of me. Is that what life's about?? To try and manage to find at least one honest person to love everything about you...to find someone who respects you for you??? Maybe it is, because it is really hard. Somebody always has a problem with something. I have people who come close, but NEVER have met ANYONE who loves me 100%!!!! EVER!!!!!!! I just don't get it, people say they love you and then it's proven later on in life, they don't completely. I used to go out with somebody who probably loved 98% of me and that's the closest I've ever had to perfect. He hated my argumentativeness which is really tiny. He now hates my smoking, but for him, I'd always go back and always quit for him. Now I currently date a boy who loves like 90-95% of me. He hates my feelings, my drama, my argumentativeness...so much. Actually, I'm unsure what I'm doing in life. =[[ I left the old guy in a way for him and now I regret it. I found true love in my ex, but gave it all away... Now I want it back, but I can't leave someone for someone else. It's just not me. Oh well, we'll see... Anyone know what life's truly about?? Let me know...♥