05.01.2008 America/New_York -0400 EDT
I'm so unsure of what to do with myself anymore. I can't stop thinking of all the bad things that could happen within the next few weeks. I feel like I'm losing everything all over again. When I got to spend time with Mark, he told me I was gaining my chance back && more, but I feel like that's giving me hope I will end up losing. I feel like my grip is slipping on the love I have for him all over again. I don't want to lose him, I just can't... It hurts so bad knowing the chance is there && real... My Junior Prom is coming up in about two weeks && Mark && I planned to go together since my Freshmen Summer, but now it's just a maybe. That chance is going away for me && I feel so bad! I don't want to go without him, because whether I have fun or not, nothing would compare to how I'd feel with him beside me there. I want to share that special night with the guy I'm totally and utterly in love with. I hate knowing that she could be taking him away from me; whether it's just a little while or forever. I don't want him to let go of me. I'm so depressed. I was starting to eat again because things had seemed to be looking up, but now I'm back to starving myself && I've been going so crazzi that now when I cry I start hurting myself. Yesterday while I was crying I was scratching at my arm && now I have a tiny cut next to my old burn marks... which were also from depression with Mark. I don't want to hurt myself, I really don't, but all of this is killing me... ='[ I need help, I need advice, I need to be saved... Why can't he see how much I'm dying && come to my rescue??
Rank it: 
![♥ =]](http://www.blogyx.com//upload_images/g/2007/09/gennyawesomeness/gallery/18403872_48469158_75.jpg "♥ =]"){kind=small}
